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My first share

Hi I'm Fred, And I'm an addict.

At the end of 2020 and I'd been 3months without taking any thing, about to be convicted of shotting light and dark and my baby boy was just born. 

I kept stringing the courts along pleading not guilty for a year whilst waiting for my baby son (my first son) to be born, so he could see me, feel me hold him and maybe get to hear me sing to him.

I was an addict, still am though I've not indulged in 4 years as of two months ago. from the moment my partner had told me she was pregnant I started to make the change but literally days before my home was raided and I was charged with supply of class A...

If you want to know more of my struggle book mark this share by rating and commenting. I will continue to add to it and reveal the path that lead me here.

Update:

So it was Nov 2020, 17th I began my 3 year journey through the HMPS, I was released 31/01/2024.

The only time I saw my Son in that time was every month for the first few years, over a video conferencing system, my Son was very ill with a genetic disorder which involved gruelling treatment, Bone marrow transfusions and a barrage of daily medication, Immunosuppresants was the reason he couldn't be brought up to see me.

The last year I was transferred to an open prison and so the system was different, Sacha's guardians were responsible for making the applications for video visits and though I'd argued with prison screws over this when I'd managed to get visits made they'd never tell me when they were as they'd expected me to have contact with the guardians, which I had not. I'd burnt my bridges with them by arguing for them to bring him to me on a real visit.

I left prison I took the opportunity to contact probation with a request for access, contacted the borough too but each time I was directed to take it to court, being unemployed and having just gas and electric utilities take up a huge amount of the universal credit I was getting I couldn't afford the court application. 

For the first time in over a year my brother called me at 6am Tuesday morning on 5/6/2024, He reached out, He'd told me my Son had died early hours of that morning at Great Ormond Street Hospital having an infection via his Hickman line. 

My life style before Sacha's birth had lead to the consequences that kept me from him, until it was too late to  hold him again.

All I have of him now is the memories of holding, changing him, feeding him, kissing, hugging and loving him (Loving him always...) only for the first three months of his life...

The last few NA meetings I've heard some really silly, petty and rubbish reasons that people have for why they've relapsed... I've not been able to share my loss with the group I regularly go to, that's why I'm sharing here. I wont use over my loss but it hasn't stopped me feeling the desire to....

Created at: Aug. 4, 2024, 2:52 a.m.

Updated at: Aug. 8, 2024, 11:12 a.m.

Status: Approved

Number of comments: 1

By:Admin

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